Snooppy Danced and the Angels Sang

We have a way of getting very intensely nutted up about things that resonate with Importance.  For example, the GRE.  Technically, at least in the maya, things like GRE scores are supposed to be significant to receiving acceptance from the schools of one's choice. WE focus on the scores as the central point of the intensity, and experience the pressure of performance, the drive to do well.  Thing is, it isn't about the scores themselves; that's just the symptom.

I studied for the GRE.  I've been studying at a gradually increasing pace since late May, preparing myself for this experience.  Good scores are not a guarantee of acceptance, but it seems that they help--or can.  My top four choices are Stanford, Boston U, Harvard, and UCSB; these places are not known for their lack of selectivity.  I was thinking that I really, really need good GRE scores, because without them, they might not see me as being a good fit for their respective programs.

See the problem already?  Might not see me, as opposed to who the hell am I and how is what I'm doing a natural extension of my being?  A fine line, perhaps, but one very, very well worth noting.

I created a good bit of tension around the test.  Some of that's wise: You want to be on your toes for important hings.  But I knew something was wrong with all this.  I was too focused on the scores, not what they might mean.  Then I realized: the tension I was feeling was the approach of a choice point, a pivotal juncture.  It isn' that the scores will either secure or ban me from the high holy halls of academia.  The real deal is that when one approaches a nexus of energies created by the conglomeration of previous choices, one comes to a fork in the road--a for with, sometimes, several options leading off into several possible realities. I've been up on theses culminating choice points before, but never quite so consciously as this time.

It isn't that the scores themselves matter.  They don't.  They're just numbers based on averages, tested in ways that not all people--even the brilliant ones, do well with.  What matters is that this choice point will open some paths and close others, just because of the chemistry involved.  This point will influence the next leg of my journey: How I take the test--NOT the scores--will tell the Universe how serious I am about my statements of intent, and create opportunities to express the truth of my being, and opportunities to learn more about who I really am under all the ego crap that tries to tell me what it thinks I am.  If I approach this situation from an integral place of maximum intent and involvement, if I am rightly aligned to this experience (or any other) then the result will automatically be aligned rightly, too.  If I'm misaligned, the whole situation is still perfect and will allow all kinds of opportunities for growth--but most of them will be the hard way.  All I have to do is my authentic best.  And if I don't do my best, I still get to be willing to accept the consequences of my choices as they stand.

When I realized tha it was my relationship to the GRE as epitomized through scores and not the scores themselves that mattered, I felt instantly rightness.  I felt liberated.  I did the Snoopy dance.  I realized in that moment that I had already aced the GRE.
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I took the GRe yesterday at 9 am.  The writing above occurred the night before the test.  I did practice runs of the full test, and noted my scores.  My scores from the real test were higher than any of the practice runs I did at home.  I went into the test ready; I even got up at 5 am so I could have breakfast and go do some yoga before the test.  Believe me, yoga at 7am is not the usual fare around here.  I'm not what you'd call a morning person, really.  But it was called for, and I believe helped enormously; at the elat, it diffused the physical body tensions created by the coming together of energies at a choice point.  I'd practiced a good bit at home, so sitting down in front fo the computers in the test center was no big deal.  I kicked off my shoes, crossed my legs in the chair, and created the comfort of home as I dove in to the test.  I had a goal for the math section; I beat it by 10 points.  I did about 10 points less well on the verbal that I'd like to have, but still perfectly acceptable.  I was actually kinda surprised when I reached the end of the test, like, "Oh, that's it?  I'm done?"

The choices have been made.  I reached the highest concentration of choice point energies, moved through them, and now the landscape is different.  Sure, the scores matter, inasmuch as they're one of the fronts on paper that people ill look at ino order to decide if they want me at their school.  But regardless of where I think I want to go or what I think I want to do, the way I handled this is what matters, because now I can have no doubt in me at all that I was rightly aligned, and the results of this alignment will be what moves me forward on my adventure.  Whatever happens now, it will be the right thing; it can't be anything else.